


Kismet

by x_thelittleprince_x



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Feels, Character Death, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Falling In Love, Fate, Friendship, Friendzone, Hate to Love, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Regret, Reincarnation, Soulmates, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:02:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27769480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/x_thelittleprince_x/pseuds/x_thelittleprince_x
Summary: Renjun has accepted the fact that this was his karma. He was being punished for his very first life on earth. The one where he was a noble king. A king that had no regard for the lives of others, too comfortable in watching people suffer. A king that denied the two people who wanted to love him most and even going as far as to laugh in their faces the very first time they’d told him of their feelings.-The universe punishes Renjun for his acts of cruelty towards Jaemin and Jeno in his first life by having them reincarnated. Only this time, Jaemin and Jeno don't love him.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 18
Kudos: 199





	Kismet

**Author's Note:**

> Kismet - Destiny; Fate  
> -  
> Please note the tags, it's quite a heavy story. Otherwise please enjoy!

Renjun has accepted the fact that this was his karma. He was being punished for his very first life on earth. The one where he was a noble king. A king that had no regard for the lives of others, too comfortable in watching people suffer. A king that denied the two people who wanted to love him most and even going as far as to laugh in their faces the very first time they’d told him of their feelings.

“Love is for fools. Do you think I am a fool?” He had inquired, his mouth set in a tight line. A mouth that had never so much as turned upwards in all his years. The hurt on the other two’s faces was evident. The way their shoulders sagged, their hands clutching each others as if for moral support. Surely they knew it was hopeless. A king like Renjun didn’t care, he wasn’t allowed to love or be loved. His own parents never showed an ounce of affection for him. They were tough on him and even when they had passed on, he never cried over them. It was them after all who instilled that philosophy of love into his mind. Love was weak, they would repeatedly tell him. That it only got you killed in the end. 

Still, the two servants never stopped showing just how much their hearts longed for him. Going out of their way to make him gifts and write him letters with what they could. Their words are honest and heartfelt. He couldn’t doubt their sincerity and yet he still ripped up every letter and threw away every gift. Watching as their faces fall in rejection. Renjun could have simply got rid of them, saving himself a lifetime of annoyance but a small part of him found it admirable in some sense even if he’d equally found it pathetic. 

The years went by, Renjun was still alone and cold as ever. Unwilling to commit to anyone even when he was advised to for the sake of the kingdom. He refused more than anything to produce an heir, the idea of children disgusted him and it didn’t help that he knew he wasn’t fit for such a role. It didn’t matter that he was certainly promising the downfall of his kingdom by being so stubborn but Renjun was a selfish man and didn’t care. 

It wasn’t until many years down the line when the two servants grew older and fell ill. Something had changed that day. Unable to help the piercing sensation radiating slowly through his chest. It didn’t make sense why he’d felt such a way, though he supposed that maybe sometime over all those years he’d grown used to the two, their fond smiles and tender attitude towards him. The only constant in his life, their feelings for him ever unchanging unlike everyone else who had given up on him. Yet, they showed him love when he’d hurt them repeatedly. 

It wasn’t until one morning when he’d awoken in tears, throat tight and a bad feeling in his gut. With only one thing on his mind, his feet carried him out of his room in a hurry, fear coursing through his veins. 

“Jaemin, Jeno!” The guards stared with confusion, the old king in a frenzy but he didn’t care anymore. He had to tell them. Running through the servant's quarters into the room where he knew the two slept, he panted in an attempt to catch his breath, the ache in his bones brittle more prominent. He threw the doors open and approached cautiously at the sight of them laying peacefully wrapped in one another's arms, their chests stilled. No. NO. Renjun ran to their side, tears falling down his cheeks like a waterfall, unable to stop them as a sob ripped through his throat. 

“Please! Wake up, I’m sorry! I love you. I love you!” The words hit the quiet room, no one to answer him back. “I’m so sorry.” Realizing he was too late, he rested his forehead on Jeno’s arm, clutching onto the both of them. 

-

So Renjun knows this is his karma. To live in regret and reincarnate every lifetime with the two lovers but they would never love him back. Watching them fall in love with each other over and over again, never even considering him an option because the universe had made it clear. He’d had his chance and missed it. 

The first time they’d reincarnated, he had been ecstatic. Foolish even. Thinking that he had been given a second chance to make things right again but he should have known, he deserved no chance. The other two didn’t recognize him the way he did with them. They never did. This time they lived as peasants. Their families just barely getting by. It was a huge adjustment for Renjun to get used to being poor for the first time but the only reason he’s able to get through it is by knowing he has  _ them. _ He befriends them and swears he’ll make a move but when he does, they simply turn him down gently, so clearly worried about upsetting him. 

“I like you both.” Jaemin and Jeno both raise their eyebrows in surprise, clearly not expecting to ever hear such words from the smaller one. 

“Renjun…” Jaemin sees the hope in his eyes, the way he clutches the hem of his tattered shirt tightly in nerves. “I’m sorry. I-I don’t feel that way about you.” He speaks the words with pity, not wanting to hurt the other but he knows he does as soon as the light falls from Renjun’s eyes, lips turning down as the heartbreak visibly shows across his face. 

Passing a glance at Jeno, Renjun sees a sorrowful smile resting on his lips. He simply shakes his head softly. 

“I’m sorry, Junnie. I only see you as a friend.” 

Was it possible for a heart to disintegrate into ashes? To be so broken beyond repair that it can’t beat anymore? That lifetime had been his wake up call. He would love them for as long as he could but they would never love him. It was difficult, accepting the truth and remaining friends while he knew they would never hold any affection for him. Instead, they’d slowly fallen for each other, Renjun watching in anguish as they snuck out places together or whispered into each other’s ears, giggling. He wanted to be with them, hold their hands, kiss them. Over time, it had become too difficult to watch and so he left, just packed up and left in the middle of the night. He barely made it on his own and in fact, that was his downfall a few years later. A thief had tried to rob the little bit of money he’d had and being stubborn, he wouldn’t give it over. It had taken a few moments to realize the blade that had been lodged into his abdomen. He was left to bleed out in the night, all alone. The only thought in his mind was if  _ they _ had ever thought about him after his absence. If they ever missed him but his heart already knew the answer. 

-

That was only the beginning of it. His slow descent to madness. 

Renjun tried each lifetime after, where they exchanged lives and social status multiple times. Renjunt typically received the short end of the stick and though some lifetimes were better than others, he was always left in the background of Jaemin and Jeno’s romance.

There had been a few times where only one of the two existed. It was those lives that were the hardest to live because he had to watch the one that did exist suffer, always feeling empty and searching for the unknown missing puzzle piece. There was only so much he could do in those times but Renjun would stay with them and give comfort in the best way he could. Even encouraging them to find happiness because seeing them suffer was far too punishing. He would yell at the sky sometimes, asking why did Jaemin and Jeno have to be the ones in agony when he was the one that the universe was angry with. 

Then, of course, there were times when none of the two existed and Renjun was stuck living through the motions, a lonely and sad shell. He missed them most of all in those lives. 

When all three of them existed, however, he was obligated to be the onlooker to their budding romance. Every blush, every smile, every kiss sent a bitter taste in his mouth. It wasn’t that he didn’t want them to love each other. In fact, seeing them happy always pushed him to get through each life. He loved how much they loved and cared for one another but it was the fact that he was only allowed to observe, hoping, praying that, that lifetime would be the one they’d love him too. Love him the way they had in their first lives together but they never did. 

-

One particular heart-wrenching memory was when Jeno was a newly crowned king. The entire castle threw a ball to celebrate and Renjun, being Jeno’s personal trained guard, couldn't do anything but stand next to his throne, counting down the minutes until the ball ended. Jeno suddenly sat up in interest, the bored expression changing into one of curiosity. 

“Renjun. Find out who that is for me.” Renjun looked into the large crowd, surveying it to spot who the king was referencing. Then he spotted the most gorgeous black locks falling messily around a set of twinkling brown eyes. So beautiful. His heart sped as it always did at the first moment of recognition, his heart knowing him before his brain could ever catch up. Smiling sadly, the plot before him was familiar as he spoke.

“His name is Na Jaemin, sir.” He couldn’t take his eyes off of the other as Jaemin laughed full-heartedly, talking with some other people in the crowd. Relishing in the sound, he realized just how much he had missed hearing it in this lifetime. He had wondered when Jaemin would find his way back to them finally. 

“Bring him here. I want to get to know him.” 

“Of course, sir.” But every step he took towards Jaemin, crushed his heart further. Just one more lifetime. You can make it, he told himself but even he knew he was lying. 

-

Renjun was born into a dysfunctional family in the late 1800s. It was obvious that Renjun wasn’t born to be loved. It oddly reminded him of his first life, the void of attachment and it makes him miss his family from his second. Though they’d been poor in that life, they always made it clear how much they cared. 

At the age of seventeen, he’s sold for a large sum of money. He finds himself being brought to a work factory. That life was the most tiring. Working his existence away. He gets to meet Jaemin and Jeno once again, the cycle repeating again cruelly, this time they were already together happily.    
“Hey, I’m Jaemin. This is Jeno. You were brought here recently, right?” They sit, talking quietly in the large room where all the workers slept. The two gravitate towards Renjun’s bunk and he wonders. If they ever notice the pull, like some force was tugging them. He felt it all the time, the strings of fate orchestrating them to meet.

Renjun works and works until he can’t anymore, busying himself from the couple that he sometimes hears murmuring sweet words to each other in the dead of night, just a bunk away. It was probably the most lonely feeling. He gives up trying to convince them to love him that time. They only had eyes for each other, no matter how good of friends Renjun became with them. They were all he had. When they die, they’re still relatively young, life working at the factory assured that. Seeing them pass once again, however, nudges tears to his eyes and he sobs uncontrollably. This is his karma. 

-

Having a bounty on your head is one thing. Having the bounty hunters be the object of your affections is another. His legs carry him as fast as he can. Arrows swiftly shoot past his body as he tries to avoid the very certain death he knows will take place. This was the first lifetime where he could say the two truly hated him and found himself wishing, praying for the other lifetimes where he was friendzoned repeatedly. Anything was better than this. The ground in front of him ends suddenly and he stumbles backward so he doesn't fall off the side of the cliff, watching rocks fall from the edge and into the dark and terrifyingly inviting water below. 

“Nowhere to go now.” Jeno says behind him. 

“Please. Don’t do this.” Renjun pleads, turning to see the two with their arrows poised and steady, aimed right at him. He takes in a shaky breath, ignoring the fact that it feels as if they’d already struck him in the heart. The sinister and calculating smirk that lines up on Jeno’s face sends shivers down his spine. A knot forms in the pit of his stomach. That wasn’t  _ his _ Jeno. Though he supposes Jeno was never his to begin with.

“Should've thought of that before you stole.” Jaemin scoffed, no smile gracing his face. To be fair, Renjun didn’t want to turn to a life of crime but times were tough and it was necessary to his survival. He never expected to be hunted down by the two people he loved most, but really he should have seen it coming because of course it would be them. 

Renjun exhales loudly before speaking. “Well, I can’t let you kill me. If by some chance you ever remember me, it would surely haunt you. You don’t deserve that.” He doesn’t let them digest what the words mean because he takes fate into his own hands and spreads his arms. “I love you.” He tells them and free falls backward, managing to catch a small glimpse of their expressions that show various emotions from confusion to shock and maybe even a brief glimmer of pain but he doesn't get to understand it before his body hits the water and his world turns dark. 

-

The next lifetime after that is somewhere in the early 1900s where influenza is taking a devastating toll in the world. Renjun is sick, lying in a hospital ward, body covered in sweat as his head pounds in a high fever. His breathing was labored and everyone in the hospital could tell you it was only a matter of time. It was possibly one of the worst physical types of pain Renjun had ever experienced but there was no hope for him. He would die early at the age of twenty all alone. He didn’t have a family this time, born an orphan. 

“It-It hurts.” He whispers to no one in particular but is surprised to hear someone by his side, they gently push his hair from his forehead, shushing him softly. 

“I know it does. I wish I could say you’ll be alright but...” Renjun knows that voice. Heard it thousands of times and yet when he focuses his eyes to the side he’s still stunned by the heart-stopping beauty of the other. 

“Jaemin.” He says the words quietly to himself but he knows the other hears it when his eyes widen in astonishment. There was no name tag on him for Renjun to read. Jaemin quickly spares a glance over his shoulder and Renjun follows it to see another nurse attending to a patient. Jeno. They were both here. Finally. 

That night Jaemin stays by his side as he struggles to breathe, even mentioning to Renjun that he doesn’t understand why he can’t seem to leave him. It makes Renjun smile for the first time in this life. They don’t hate him anymore. And it’s why he can let go when he knows he can’t take the pain anymore.

“I found you both again. That’s all I wanted.” He says quietly to Jaemin and passes away a few minutes later. What he didn’t know was that those words stuck with Jaemin for the rest of his life. 

-

Renjun goes to university for the first time in all of his lives. It’s very rare that he gets a decent life that's not filled with pain and maybe that too is also part of his karma. To live the pain he gave others. 

He’s studying in the library when he hears the familiar sound that makes him catch his breath. Sneakily glancing around, he spots the two, giggling softly, Jeno pressing Jaemin into the nearby bookshelf. He doesn’t mean to stare but he can’t help it. They’re so beautiful together that his heart aches. He admires the love they have for each other, it’s like watching a fairy tale story every time. 

They’re everything he’s ever wanted and needed but to them, he’s just another side character to their story. It’s weird seeing them just be normal teenagers. No one was above the other in power, there was no need to live poorly and beg, there was no hatred. They were just normal and it was such a breath of fresh air. 

Jaemin catches Renjun’s eyes, staring, making the latter flush, and immediately look back down at his textbook. A few moments later, two chairs became occupied at his table. 

“Hey.” Jeno greets, his eyes turning into small crescents when he smiles brightly. Something inside him pangs in yearning as he forces the tears from surfacing. He missed them so much. They hadn’t shown up in his most recent two lifetimes and for him, it felt like an eternity. It made him wonder if they just simply never met but were happy somewhere out there in the world. He hoped they were. 

He would give anything and everything to have been with them in his first life again. To hold them and know what it felt like to be held. To kiss them and hear them say the words “I love you.” And had he not been so heartless, he may have gotten the chance. Fate sure was cruel but so was Renjun and he knew he deserved it even if it hurt so goddamn much. 

“Are you okay?” Jaemin asks him with concern and Renjun realizes a tear escaped his eyes against his wishes. 

“Yeah, long day. I’m sorry.” Sorry I hurt you both. Sorry I was too late in realizing how much you mean to me.

Renjun cherishes that life in some ways because they all become good friends and meet up with each other often. He gets to see more of their interests in this life, Jeno taking up dance and Jaemin wanting to become a teacher. It feels so simple but he’s happy, content just being with them even if it’s in a friend way, appreciative just to have them in any way he can. They comfort him. Remind him of home, a home that doesn’t exist except within their hearts. He’s so lonely inside but he takes whatever he can get. They even try setting him up with people, confused when he doesn't accept anyone. He simply explains that he lost the love of his life when he was younger and doesn’t want to move on. They leave it alone after that.

Then as if fate was angry with his happiness, things were cut tragically short. Jaemin doesn’t pay attention to his surroundings once and ends up getting hit by a car. Renjun and Jeno rush to the hospital only to be told Jaemin hadn’t made it on the way there and Jeno barely holds on, letting out the most horrific cries. Renjun, familiar with death by now embraces him, silently letting his own tears fall. I’ll see you next time then, he thinks to himself. 

After that day, Jeno grew distant from Renjun, isolating himself for months despite Renjun trying his best to console him, until one day he gets to campus and hears the sad murmurs from the students. Jeno had taken his own life the night before. 

It took everything in him to not break down on the spot, knowing  _ both _ of them were gone again. What was the point anymore? And so he follows them both shortly into the afterlife, stepping off a chair in his room until a crack sounds throughout the room. 

-

The next lifetime he doesn’t speak their language, him growing up in China and them this time in the U.S. He meets them by accident at an art gallery when they visit his country on a school trip. He can feel them staring at him every now and then, the weight of their gazes making the hairs on the back of his neck rise as he focuses on sketching the sculpture in front of him in his notepad. A hobby he’d picked up in this life which turns out to be his favorite thing to do especially when he can sketch the two men that always occupy his thoughts. Glancing over, he catches them staring before they walk towards him. Of course, they would. Smiling to himself, he waits for them to talk. 

_ “Have we met before?”  _ Jeno asks, head tilting adorably. Renjun quickly panics realizing he doesn’t understand them. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t understand…” Renjun trails dejected, his heart sinking. Realization settles in and Jaemin quickly says a broken “Sorry.” in his language, the syllables just barely forming the right way, showing the language was not familiar to him at all. He watches them bow slightly and walk back to their school group. He doesn’t see them again that lifetime but he waits until old age, hoping pointlessly for even a chance to meet them once more. 

-

“Yangyang, hey.” Renjun rarely ever made the effort to make friends during his multiple lives, sometimes because the circumstances didn’t allow it but mostly because he was afraid of leaving more people behind. Yangyang with his bright personality and contagious smile turns out to be hard to resist. He unconsciously brings Renjun out of his head when he has to watch his two best friends fawn all over each other and he’s grateful. 

“Can we talk?” Yangyang asks, nervously looking over at Jaemin and Jeno who are reading their notes quietly to themselves. They had been reincarnated as college students once again, only this time they’d all met during high school and became closer than ever before. The three musketeers as everyone would call them. Renjun found it fascinating when they entered college, how Jeno majored in sports medicine, always enjoying something involving sports or dance, and Jaemin in nursing. The first time he’d heard Jaemin’s major, he wanted to laugh because it reminded him of the time he had died of influenza and Jaemin was his nurse. That was something he learned about the other. He was always wanting to help someone. 

Renjun nods at Yangyang though a bit confused. “Alone, please.” He gets up carefully and follows Yangyang a safe distance from the picnic table so no one can hear them. 

“Renjun, I have to like get this off of my mind because otherwise I’m going to go crazy and you can say no. I promise, we’ll still be friends but I just wanted to know if you’d maybe like go out with me?” Fuck. He knows all too well how rejection feels and finds it hard to hurt the other. 

“Okay.” Wait what? He hadn’t meant to say that. He didn’t even like the other in that way. His heart only ever belonged to Jeno and Jaemin. Yangyang jumps in excitement and it's entirely too difficult to not be endeared by it. Too late now. Hurting the other wasn’t an option, he was much too sweet for that. 

“Oh my god really? Thank you! I promise you won’t regret it.” But part of him already does. There has never been a lifetime where Renjun sought another to be with. This lifetime is strange, he thinks. Yangyang runs off to his class somewhere on campus as Renjun numbly walks back to his best friends. They look at him quietly as he sits.    
“What was that about?” Jaemin asks inquisitively, arching an eyebrow.    
“I guess I’m going on a date with Yangyang.” Renjun says, still partly in shock at his agreement to the date. This wasn’t how his lifetimes worked. He didn’t do romance. Not if it wasn’t  _ them _ , which clearly would never happen. 

“What?” The outrage in Jeno’s voice surprises them all including even Jeno. The swell of hope in Renjun’s heart grows but he shoves it away in fear. They don’t remember him and they surely don’t love him. They’re just surprised, that's all. 

That week Renjun goes on the date with Yangyang and actually surprisingly has fun. He hopes he gets to meet him again in another lifetime. His heart still longs for his best friends, the ones he's seen hundreds of times over again, but for now, he accepts the inevitable. 

Maybe he and Yangyang could work even if they could never truly love the other. Was it selfish? Completely but he wanted to be loved for once and Yangyang was willing to give that to him. 

“You and Yangyang seem to be doing well.” Jaemin mentions offhand while Renjun and Jeno sit in a diner together with him. 

“Uh, yeah. It’s going.” Renjun couldn’t help the guilt that flooded his body. Feeling as if he was betraying them but they couldn’t remember him anyway so did it really matter? 

“I just..don’t take this the wrong way but it’s weird. I don’t know why but it feels wrong...you two.” Jaemin continues, frown on his face as he stirs his drink absentmindedly, watching the ice cubes move around in the glass. Jeno stays quiet beside him, not looking up at him either. What was up with them? They’d never acted like this before. He’s lived so many lives with them and this was the first time they’d questioned him in such a way. It was so opposite to how the other university life was when they’d even pushed him to date someone. 

“Yangyang is a good guy and he wants to love me.” Renjun simply says, crossing his arms across his chest protectively. Jaemin leans back in his seat seemingly frustrated and levels Renjun with a simple look. 

“But do you want him to love you?” Renjun feels his heart beating quicker, not sure where this conversation was headed. A small piece of him wants to hope and say this is the lifetime they would love him back but he's spent multiple of those wishing the same and it always disappoints him. 

“I want to be loved.” Renjun finally says, his voice coming out small. Not finishing the words he wishes he could say.  _ By you both.  _ “For once. I just want my love returned. You once understood this feeling and now I know it too well. It hurts so much. God, it’s literally the worst feeling and I don’t think I can take another lifetime of this.” He doesn’t care if his words make sense because it feels good to speak the truth for once. To let them both know exactly how much pain he’s gone through. 

“Renjun…” Jeno starts, looking like he wants to say more but he doesn’t. Renjun swallows the lump in his throat, feeling the emotions of a hundred lifetimes surfacing, and quickly jumps out of the booth, leaving before they can say anything else. 

Why couldn't they love him? 

“Haven’t I been punished enough?” He wonders aloud to the universe, staring up at the sky briefly. “I get it, I understand. I was horrible to them and caused them a lifetime of pain but...I can’t do this anymore.” 

He gets into his car, ignoring the worried looks of his best friends as they follow him out of the diner and drives the short distance to his apartment. He prays his roommate isn't home and is grateful to see so when he slams the front door behind him. It’s like everything hits him at once, the heartbreak, jealousy, anger, sadness but also the overwhelming longing and love.

His heart feels the heaviest it’s ever been and all he can think about it ending the pain. People would most likely miss him in this lifetime but Renjun’s thought process couldn’t factor that in anymore. Maybe if he died enough, the universe would run out of lives to give him. 

Going into the bathroom, he finds his roommate's sleeping pills in the cabinet and grips them tightly. He stares in the mirror at the mess he’s become. Stuck in a loop of never-ending lives. So maybe he was selfish and maybe he was a coward but he was so mentally done. Unable to cope with another lifetime of pain. Watching the two people he loves fall for each other once again while he’s tortured with the fact that they would never reciprocate his own feelings. So he decides.

Downing the bottle of pills, he swallows handfuls of water to wash them down and then decides to draw a bath while he waits for them to kick in. He lowers himself, clothed and all into the warm water, and lets himself float. Please let this be the last lifetime. 

It’s maybe less than an hour later but it feels like only minutes. Everything is dark around him and he hears muted sounds around him. How long has it been? Was someone holding him? He feels something lodge itself down his throat and suddenly he’s throwing up. Emptying his stomach contents. A whimper falls from his mouth as he feels himself heaving. 

“Stay with me, please. Stay with us. You can’t leave us.” The distant voice above him speaks urgently in distress, tone thick with tears.    
“Just let me die.” Renjun slurs, unsure if his words are even legible. 

“No! I refuse to live without you. Jeno refuses to live without you.” Jeno? Renjun realizes the person holding him must be Jaemin. Bittersweet, he thinks. To die in the arms of someone you love. 

“Y-you don’t even know what you’re saying. You’ve lived plenty of times without me.” Renjun is still shrouded by darkness and everything feels much too numb but he can make out the roughness of the jacket where his head is pressed against. Feel the way his body is being cradled tightly by the other. 

“I called the ambulance.” Another familiar voice speaks. Jeno. They were both with him. 

“I love you both. More than you could ever know.” Renjun says, the words jumbled a bit but he manages to speak them before he falls limp again, unconsciousness overtaking him. 

-

Renjun opens his eyes, gasping as a blinding white fills his vision. Was this heaven? Did he finally manage to end his suffering? A semi-racing beeping catches his attention and curiously he searches for the source. Then he sees it. A heart monitor. He’s in a hospital. 

“Shit.” He was still alive. Noticing a bit of pressure on his hands, he turns his attention downwards until he breathes in sharply. There they were, both holding his hands on either side of him, fast asleep. He observes how they don’t quite seem peaceful like they should. A crease of worry sits equally on their foreheads and it doesn’t go unnoticed the way they grip onto his hand like he’ll disappear somehow if they let go. He goes to pull his hands back slightly but they must have only been sleeping lightly because they immediately awaken like they were waiting for the slightest bit of movement from him and sit up eagerly. 

“Hey, how long have you guys been here?” He can’t help but feel bad, surely they had better things to do. They sit silently, not speaking but Renjun can’t understand the looks on their faces. It scares him. The heart monitor beeps quicker, the longer he looks at them. The longer he sees the glassiness in their eyes, the heartbreak enough for a couple of centuries and the..love he’s only ever seen them hold for one another, yet it’s aimed at him. Don’t get your hopes up. 

“Renjun, how could you…” Jaemin trails before he promptly breaks down into tears. Renjun’s eyes widen and he helplessly looks at Jeno unsure what to do but the other is just as badly hit by his emotions. 

“Look I know I shouldn’t have tried to off myself but it’s fine. You two will be fine without me..like always.” He whispers the last part mostly to himself but realizes it doesn't escape their ears when they look at him with a fire in their eyes. A fire he hasn’t seen in many many years. A fire he’d once taken for granted. 

“We could never be okay without you. Not the real us. God, you’ve gone through so much all alone. I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been.” Jaemin says, tightening his grasp on Renjun’s hand. Renjun’s jaw drops and feels the way his heart completely stops for a moment listening to the words coming out of the other's mouth. 

“Are you saying….what I think you’re saying?” He doesn’t want to hope. He doesn’t want to be hurt again. 

“Baby. We love you so so much. We remember it all. Every lifetime since the first. Every time you sat by our sides and watched us fall in love without you.” Jeno kisses Renjun’s hand so gently, so delicately and it’s not long before he joins them in their weeping. The term of endearment really pushing him over the edge.

“Am I dreaming? Did the universe decide there wasn’t enough cruelty?” There was no way. No way that they finally remembered him. 

“You’re not dreaming sweetheart.” Renjun can hear the raw honesty in Jaemin’s voice. In Jeno’s voice, as they repeatedly tell him he’s not dreaming. 

It’s real. 

“I’m so sorry. I am so sorry I ever treated you both like I did in our first lives together. I would do anything to go back and fix it, realize earlier that I loved you.” Renjun knows he’s stumbling over his words in a rush to get them out, trying to say them before his own brain can process them but the way they look at him is enough. 

“We forgive you. We always have. You were born into an unkind life. Love was unknown to you.” Jeno tells him earnestly and Renjun wants to believe him but the guilt comes rushing through. 

“But that’s no excuse-”

“Injunnie, you’ve suffered enough.” Jaemin uses the nickname. The one they gave to him in that first lifetime. He’d hated it back then, almost punished them greatly over it just so they could learn their place but now that nickname has meaning. 

He loves it and he loves them. 

“When we almost lost you...it was so clarifying. Something told us that we couldn’t let you die. I don’t know if you noticed but the memories have been coming back to us slowly over the more recent lifetimes. We could feel something was odd, familiar even about you but we didn’t understand it. Not until this life. I guess I finally understand why you didn’t want us to kill you in that one life. It would have been difficult to live with but please don’t ever sacrifice your happiness for us ever again.” Renjun thinks about Jaemins words and decides that maybe he’s right. Maybe they really have been slowly coming around. He thinks of the way they came up to him that one time in the art gallery asking if they knew him, the time they looked in pain seeing him throw himself backwards into the ocean, the time when Jaemin wouldn’t leave his side when he had influenza, reminding him much like this time. 

“I love you both.” Renjun says the words he never got to say the first time they all lived and this time instead of pity, they smile and it fills him with warmth, giving him everything he’s been looking for. 

“I love you too.” 

-

This lifetime becomes his favorite of them all. The one where they finally love him back and they all make up for so many lifetimes lost. Renjun allows himself to be shown affection and to be kissed. He allows himself to show the same. Never wanting them to doubt his love but they never do. 

Yangyang thankfully understands when they explain the situation to him. At first, he thinks they’re a little crazy (rightfully so) but even he can’t help but see the difference in their dynamic. In their personalities, like someone finally opened the curtain and let the sun shine through the darkness. 

Of course, it isn’t always easy because sometimes Renjun wakes up in the middle of the night in a panic, calling out for Jaemin and Jeno but they simply wake up from beside him and reassure him that they’re still very much there and that they love him more than anything. He clutches onto them during those nights, afraid fate will pull them away once again. But fate never does. They grow up and graduate college, move into a nice house together and live a simple happy life but it's more than Renjun could ever ask for. They even adopt a child, a little girl named Ara, that they can call their own and Renjun thinks to when he used to despise children in his first lifetime so long ago and laughs. It’s amazing how strange life can be. 

When they get older, Renjun begs them to never forget him. He doesn’t know if this is their last lifetime together but if it’s not, he doesn’t want to live another without them like this. 

“Baby, we could never forget you ever again. We promise to always remember you.” They know fate can easily change that but the sureness in their voices makes Renjun smile. And when they each pass, thankfully from natural causes as they age, they promise to meet each other again soon. 

-

“Renjun, your new choreographers are here.” Renjun sighs the exhaustion settling in. This lifetime he was famous. It was rewarding and Renjun enjoyed what his job entailed of but it was often tiring and draining. Last night being a huge example, when he had been recording his new song, staying in the recording booth into the early hours of the morning. 

“Thanks, you can bring them in.” He says to his manager, going to the stereo setting up the song so it was ready to play for the new staff members. 

“Hello!” Renjun hears behind him and freezes. He had been unsure if they would come back to him this time around. Thinking last lifetime was enough happiness for a million. But sure enough, when he turns, he sees them both, standing with small smiles on their faces by the threshold of the door. 

“Hi. Nice to meet you.” Renjun says formally as the manager leaves the room. 

“Do you not know us suddenly?” Jeno quirks, stifling a laugh. Relief spreads through Renjun’s body and he throws himself across the room at them, enclosing them into a tight embrace.    
“I didn’t know if you’d remember me.” He says, insecurely. Jaemin nuzzles his cheek on top of Renjun’s head. 

“We told you we’d always remember you.” And he’s right. They held their promise to him. He didn’t think it was possible to be even happier than he’d ever been. 

“We love you.” They tell him and his heart beats wildly in his chest.

“I love you too.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I had a lot of fun writing this story. The idea came to me recently, thinking a lot about life after death and reincarnation so uh here we are. I do hope you all enjoyed reading it and as always kudos and comments are encouraged. I love seeing what you all think about my stories.


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